In response to "So Much Happiness" by Naomi Shihab Nye

Words to images
Images to memories
Memories to smiles
Sneaking across my face and twinkling in my eyes
Happiness sneaks up like a mischievous wood nymph
Dancing through the glacier lilies
and pirouetting on snowflakes
While sun beams put a spotlight on this miraculous performance
that warms us to grinning.
Can everyone feel such happiness?
Can everyone afford tickets to the wood nymph ballet?
Does sorrow scare the dancers and shroud the spotlight in shadows?
Happiness and sorrow are eternal and we would not know one without the other.
The spotlight is only visible because of the shadows.
To let happiness dance maybe we just have to welcome the shadows and move them into a good stage position.

"So Much Happiness" -Naomi Shihab Nye

It is difficult to know what to do with so much happiness.
With sadness there is something to rub against, a wound to tend with lotion and cloth.
When the world falls in around you, you have pieces to pick up,
something to hold in your hands, like ticket stubs or change.

But happiness floats.
It doesn't need you to hold it down.
It doesn't need anything.
Happiness lands on the roof of the next house, singing,
and disappears when it wants to.
You are happy either way.
Even the fact that you once lived in a peaceful tree house
and now live over a quarry of noise and dust
cannot make you unhappy.
Everything has a life of its own,
it too could wake up filled with possibilities
of coffee cake and ripe peaches, and love even the floor which needs to be swept,
the soiled linens and scratched records...

Since there is no place large enough
to contain so much happiness,
you shrug, you raise your hands, and it flows out of you
into everything you touch. You are not responsible.
You take no credit, as the night sky takes no credit
for the moon, but continues to hold it, and share it,
and in that way, be known.

Dreams come alive with community!

communities are support, companionship, human, felt.
when i meet people, to expand my community, i am excited to learn what makes them unique. van gogh style artist, hide tanner, one that speaks through quotes, amateur documentary makers, knitters.
The people of this month bring me new ideas, inspiration, a push to look inside and see what makes me unique. Then a push to bring the unique outside and let it be part of the community of inspiration!

and community need not be exclusive to people. inspiration is everywhere. A vine teaches many lessons- growing in it's own skin, rooted, reaching for the sun, light, truth, warmth, nutrients to make it grow.
it can't go up alone.
it can't complete it's journey on it's own.
it needs the support of it's community, a neighbor plant, a fence. Always remaining unique to itself, there is still recognition that it can't complete it's journey without the help of it's support system.

and at times when the journey seems tangled and impossible, when the warmth is out of sight,
it keeps trying, growing, searching, leaning, twisting, turning and

there,

back in the open, ready to push forward. to grow fruit. to produce a flower. to give back to the community after uniting all the elements within itself.

give and take.
healthy balance.

thoughts for this moment brought to you by the inspiration of my community :)

Well lived

Waterton Lakes National Park is nestled in the south west corner of Alberta. It's a stunning portion of land, where the prairies of Canada meet the Canadian Rockies. Driving along the open sky roads of the plains, suddenly a wall of the most fantastic peaks soars to the very sun that guided your path. i live and work here and feel endlessly privileged at my luck.

Today however, it's raining. So i'm not outside enjoying the views (though i do think it's lovely to get all suited up and head outside in 'bad' weather!) Instead I'm inside on this computer, looking at things that are happening around the world and feeling my inspiration bubble.

today i visited these 2 sites:
jamghatfamily.blogspotcom
http://reconsidercolumbusday.org/

and now feel the burn to get out of my little house and make something happen! Cuz there are so many folks pushing for justice that's needed. Social justice makes my heart pound harder. I don't feel involved in anything right now, but when I am involved in pushing for something i believe to be right, i feel my day is well lived.

Knitting, hiking in these beautiful mountains and laughing with friends also makes a day feel well lived :)

What do you do that makes your day feel well lived?

loves
Lauren

The Guest House

This is a current favorite by Rumi-

"This being human is a guest house.
Every moment a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows
who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture.
Still, treat each guest honourably.
They may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame,
the malice...
meet them at the door laughing
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond."

Loving each heart,
Lauren

Water! Wowter!

Rolling with the river, around each stone and obstacle
The droplets gain momentum as more join in the journey
Through varied landscapes they pick up pieces
Of purity, pesticide, passion, and power
Moving through stories, carrying the past to the future
Feeding all the roots; growing evolution

A little poem I thought up with water on the brain :)
Flow On!

Clean Bin Project

I just watched a documentary made by a Vancouver based couple, called the Clean Bin Project. They challenged each other not to buy any stuff for one year and not to produce any waste for the year. They replaced their 1 garbage can with 15 recycling bins for different items, expanded their compost, grew a huge garden and had fun discovering new recipes for deodorant, toothpaste, shampoo, crackers, cleaning supplies and all kinds of things we normally 'just buy'.

Producing no garbage meant choosing food items that were not wrapped in garbage/ non-recyclables. It meant buying cheese from the deli, cut off the block and put in the container they brought to the store.
It meant not buying chips and it meant giving up a few items they liked.

BUT

it meant gaining a sense of responsibility and connection to the worth of the items that sustain our lives. It meant discovering news ways to exist and it meant honing new skills to subsist.

After 365 days she had about 4.15lbs of garbage and he had 3.8lbs. not bad.

I've challenged some co workers to the challenge, starting July 1st, Canada Day.

Living a life of over-consumption and garbage production is Outdated. It's time to evolve to the next way of living. Creatively and responsibly.

Have fun!

Water words

During a weekend of water words and flowing people, we were asked to write a question. i wrote this. it might only make sense to me!


burning need.
passion is fire
fuelled by water.
pulsating heart
is sunshine for my belly seed of change.
listen.
trust.
mycelium style growth for change


Water is passion!

This is food for thought

Friend Ben spins poetic beats. Check out his latest blog entry and have a think.

http://foodgrows.blogspot.com/2009/11/it-was-violent-night-in-toronto.html

keep flowin'
Lauren

...and I'm feelin' good

It's been a long time but I"m feeling alive and excited and ready to live to the fullest!

i had the best evening last night. My dear cousin had a major role in his highschool play Dracula and I, now living in Calgary for a winter, got to see it! The play was gory and fabulous and being in a highschool was hilarious again. i loved every minute. being around a different age group, feeling the energy from hormones!, seeing excitment for success after months of hard work and passion for friendship. Being with family: grandma, uncle, cousin and her son. awesome.

From there i went to meet friend Leila who i haven't seen in years and we had So Much to Say! We talked til the cafe closed, then moved onto a bench for the next hour til our feet were so numb we hobbled to the car and kept on spinning dreams and passions and world views and ideas for change and for birthday parties and for keeping it real and never forgetting that the earth is not our stage it is our roots and life force and like a family member who is sick has to be given the best of care. Remembering where the heart is, how water brings the heart to life.

i'm so pumped and alive and feeling it and connected to truth again. There are such incredible people everywhere! i want to do street plays and paint the intersections with beautiful pictures on my birthday to remind people that a garden could be there if it wasn't concrete! there are so many creative ways to get the word out, the word to THINK and to REACT and to get out of the numb routine

YES!

pumped! loving opportunity again. and loving friends so much.

Friends sent me a cheque for Rajan's meds in India (a brother who just got through dengue fever) and included a note that said, "thank you for caring about people in India and letting us be part of it too!" and it made me smile a really big smile

it feels so good to care. To not be empty and living numbly. To not accept that everything is as it should be because they said so. to look for truth and seek out passions and listen with honesty.

big feelings of change and excitment after an inspirational few days.

yay!
lauren

25 year old child

What thoughts would you have if a 9year old boy was leading you through the narrow lanes of his neighbourhood and instinctively pulling you to the side whenever a car passed?

Who usually looks out for who? Is what I was thinking.

9 year old Prasenjeet now lives with Jamghat but had been on his own for several years, living on the streets and taking care of himself. With no one to look out for him, he grew up really fast. When he walks beside me, a 25 year old foreigner, we both know who the experienced is at this life.

I’m the child in their world, speaking sentences like a 2 year old, making social mistakes like a 5 year old, learning endless amounts from my young teachers. Were I to live on the streets alone, even now at 25, I’d be terrified and completely lost.

These boys know where to find free food, where to get cheap or free clothes, who to go to for help (NOT the police!), how to survive in the invisible systems of street life. Essentially, how to fight for their life.

I’m amazed daily by their spirit and honest positivity after surviving through it all, alone. I’m sure glad my little 9 year old friend is such a dedicated teacher, looking out for me while I grow up in this daunting city.

"Undercover in Tibet"

I’m outraged. And guilty. I’m outraged that cultural genocide IS happening in Tibet, that Tibet is silently being erased from history, that it quietly disappeared from our maps. I’m guilty that I have given the burden of this fight to a small number, feeling that the fight is being taken care of, that someone is on it, that it’s not so bad.

It IS so bad. It’s terrible. If the things that were happening in Tibet were happening to us in Canada, there would be war. Devastation. Lost trust and psychological damage. If a Tibetan woman has too many children, she either pays a hefty fine that she can’t afford or undergoes forced Sterilization.

Imagine, my female friends, imagine having the right to birthing literally ripped out of you. That which so many of us base our female identity on, torn from your body with no anaesthetic and no choice.

I’m outraged. I just saw a documentary entitled ‘Undercover in Tibet’. Tash Despa fled Tibet 10 years ago and has lived in Exile in Britain since then. He returned to his home for the first time in 10 years to find out why so many people were risking their lives to flee Tibet in India or Nepal, via the Himalayas. One escapee said he would rather risk his life hiking for weeks through the snowy peaks, risking such bad frostbite that amputation is the only answer, running out of food, being shot at by Chinese officers if spotted...he would rather risk this than live under Chinese rule.

This movie brought me back to life. We can’t sit in our comfortable homes and do nothing. We can’t. People are dying, traditional ways of life are disappearing, family members are disappearing, monks are under constant surveillance and are tortured if they have even one speech by the Dalai Lama in their quarters. It’s a silent, methodical genocide.

Get involved. Get involved in whatever issue makes your heart pound hard in your chest. Do something. We’re such privileged, powerful people in Canada. We have such strong voices. We were born into it and are now surrounded by opportunity and comfort. It makes torture and hardship seem like a only a nightmare, not something real human beings are actually enduring.
But real human beings with homes and families ARE suffering. I know you know this, but really KNOW it! People that laughed with their partners under beautiful Tibetan trees and enjoyed the sunshine with their children are torn apart and forced from nomadic lifestyles into police watched concrete ‘communities’, akin to prison.

And why? Because Tibet is one of the richest resources of: water, minerals, oil.

Sound familiar?

Oil. And China now has control of it. They kill and torture, take freedom and install fear, silently wipe a culture out of our minds, in the name of money and global power.

So truly this affects us all.

Read something. Write a letter. Find the time to care. If not about Tibet, something, cuz surely there is some injustice that speaks to your heart.

Remember that Tibet was on the map just a few years ago.

Just remember the pain people live with outside of Canada. And don’t live with guilt or heaviness. But Do Something.

A thrill for my senses, Old Delhi

Living in India is certainly not the easiest thing I've ever done. The pollution of Delhi is horrendously draining, the noise is constant, the language barrier takes extra brain power that and the ‘un-nameable’ (is there a word for that) small differences take endless sorting out. It’s tough, but not impossible, and often the challenges, and those small differences, are what make it so delightful (on a good humoured day!).

I wish I could illustrate this city for you, in a way that would really give an understanding of this place. Old Delhi is the place to describe... or better yet, a huge market, the size of a small town within Old Delhi, called Chandni Chowk.

We went to Chandni Chowk to buy 200 blankets for homeless children the other day...it's still fresh in my mind, so let me try to paint a picture for you....

Old Delhi is the original Delhi. It used to have a wall around it, used to have a river running through it, used to be the center of Mughal rule in the 1600s right up until the British took over in the mid-1700's.

Old Delhi has the feel of years of history all rolled into the present. In every glance my eyes take in the old and the new, the traditional and the western influenced contemporary. They see buildings built on buildings built on old ruins. They see burkhas, salwar kameez, kurta, jeans, leather jackets, lungi, dhoti, turbans, barefeet, richly adorned wrists, glittering gold, torn pants on a child. They see cycle rickshaws, scooters, old bicycles, men pushing long carts stacked to the sky with merchandise of some sort and women in sarees elegantly weaving through the organized chaos.

My nose smells gulab jamun and jalebis, mutton kebab, curried everything, tandoori roti, chai, chai and more chai! Delicious smells mixed with garbage festering in a puddle of water, the stink of which is fighting to overpower the stench of urine from a wall designated as the men’s urinal.

Cars are honking endlessly, busses are ploughing through the crowds, to my right the nearby mosque begins its call to prayer, the 4th of the day, and on the left the Hindu temple bells are ringing to attract attention of the gods to the ceremony. Cycle rickshaws are ringing bells while the drivers call out 'hello hello, side side' giving us pedestrians time to jump out of the way so they don't lose momentum with an unbearably heavy load of cargo or people being hauled behind them.

And I'm trying to walk through this, following Amit, Abhinandan and Irfan as we venture to the blanket district of Chandni Chowk, on a quest to purchase 200 blankets for homeless children who live in this area.
"Hurry Lauren, a little faster, even I don't know my way around this part of the city", says the ship navigator Abhinandan. When he's not at sea, he lives in Delhi and volunteers with Jamghat.

Squeezing between traffic, running to keep up with Amit on a mission, climbing up and over rickshaws because there's simply no other way to cross the road, we finally reach the blanket district, a street with thousands of people filling the street and dozens of blanket shops lining the sides. To get there we passed the tarp district, the car window district, the door district, the stationary district and the tent district.

I was amazed to watch the buying process. We entered the first blanket shop, with stacks of blankets lining the walls, the shelves and spilling onto the road side, and began looking at available items. Before I knew it, 7 different types of blankets were piled on the small counter, all being felt and checked for quality and warmth factor while the shopkeeper kept a constant explanation going about how each was the best possible choice and this was the price, but it could become this lower price if you buy this many etc etc.

After some group debate, we chose a style, and began to barter for 200 of them. The shopkeeper came down to 150 rupees/blanket but Amit wanted 120. He wouldn’t budge so just like that we walked out, leaving a pile of blankets to be sorted.
This is how it’s done! If the price is reasonable, the shopkeeper will usually call you back in saying, “okay possible”, at which point the deal is sealed.

This time however, there was no call back, so we continued the quest, door to door, walking for blocks, touching the stacks on the street, questioning shopkeepers until someone caught our attention with a good deal.

The final shop was tiny, and filled floor to ceiling with army style, woollen blankets. After a flurry of Hindi, we were all beckoned farther into the shop, which led us to a teeny tiny stairwell just wide enough for a large man’s shoulders. Up and up, twisting and turning, the staircase felt like it was built as an afterthought, and movedthrough any available space in the tall building. By the 5th flight we were guided into a large room haphazardly filled with thousands of blankets. The one we wanted was there in the quantity we desired, and so began the bartering.

Before I knew it we were marching down the stairs with Hindi angrily being thrown between the shopkeeper and Amit! No deal I thought, here we go again. We were part was down the stairs when the call-back echoed through the stairwell. Deal....

20 bundles of 10 blankets were thrown from the window down 5 stories to the road where workers quickly moved them out of traffic’s way and neatly stacked them on the side of the road. Soon another man with a long wonder push cart arrived and everyone started loading the bundles on board. For a mere 2dollars, that solo man would walk for an hour, pushing our blankets to their destination storage spot, through the crowds described.

For everyone I was with, this was a normal procedure. For me it was enthralling! I giggled to myself, marvelled at the process, the systems that I only know the surface of.

If I spent a few more days there, it might start to feel more normal. I’m always amazed at how quickly the absurd becomes the norm, like cows on highways or men making living by cleaning ears. But certainly this first visit, with our blanket mission, was a delight and thrill for my senses.

A Quarter Century!

What an incredible birthday! 3 days of endless celebration, people in the house, sweets and treats and lots of musical beats!Dec. 6 we hosted a party with about 14 people. Guitars and drinks made the party last late into the night, with several people staying over. I love having an open home. I love waking up with a home full of people!
Dec. 7 One more was added to the bunch, Andres from Honduras came to couch surf. So 6 of us ate a delicious brunch together. More friends arrived and took Sunny and Andres to a fort somewhere in Delhi. I slept a glorious siesta until they came back and we cooked a stellar dinner.

That night, the clock struck 12 marking the start of my real bday day. Sunny walked in on cue with a candle lit chocolate cake singing happy birthday, while Andres (still on his first day in India) slept off the jet lag in the outside room.
Midnight cake! and so many thoughtful gifts! what a lucky girl!

10am the next morning, Maria, a Spanish friend living here until April as well, arrived with a cake she made for me! from midnight cake to breakfast cake, the sugar infusion had begun! what a wonderful way to start the day, full of friends and food.

We all took off for our respective jobs, Andres came with me to Jamghat where we met the website design team for a 2pm meeting. The kids had made several Bday cards for me, and each came and wished me happy birthday. Right then the other children ran in with more cake, Sunny, the secret creator of the surprise party, following close behind, and an impromptu party began, putting an end to any productive work that day! Quickly the kids decided it was a good idea to shove whole pieces of cake into Didi's mouth (that's me, didi means sister). So in a matter of 10 minutes i must have eaten about 5 squares of sickly sweet white cake, heaped with icing. the icing soon decorated the floor and our faces. The fun and giggles behind the chaos made the day extra special!To finish the bday, people invited themselves over that night as well. The whole group consisted of incredible musicians, and we sang the night away, in English, Hindi, Sufi and Spanish.Awesome.

Mixed in all this fun, were loving calls from afar, from those i think of daily and miss dearly.

So much love to you all! thanks for marking my quarter century with such thoughtful gestures!

Ins and Outs of Hindi

wow, how did a whole month go by without me writing?
it's not that there's nothing to say, so much happens each day, it's just finding the time and the interesting things to write about. I"ll just write and see what comes out!

Jamghat has become entirely satisfying. I've been given so much responsibility and trust, i feel totally invested in it and love every minute. Everyday I go to the boys home, where 15 former street children live, and meet them, play games with them, work on the computer while they show me pictures they've painted. It's become a home away from home and I'm so attached to each of the boys now, I'm imagining a very teary goodbye in a few months!

These boys are my main Hindi influence. They don't speak much English at all so the necessity for me to learn Hindi is high. and it's coming, slowly slowly, dhire dhire.
The highlight of yesterday was that I carried out a conversation with Ali, all in Hindi! simple answers from my side, but i really understood what he was saying!

I think what has happened is that the children in Jamghat have learned my current vocabulary. So when they say something that i don't understand (evident from the blank look on my face and simple response "kya?", 'what?'), now they immediately slow down and use the words i know to explain their question to me. It's incredibly satisfying and our relationships are growing because of it.

so one interesting thing in Hindi: the word for yesterday and tomorrow is the same, "Kal". Do you think that affects people's concept of time? Sunny says no, because the verbs that go with the word are conjugated to imply past or future. So I suppose it doesn't make much difference to time perception, but i do enjoy the ESL mistake of confusing tomorrow and yesterday!
"You will go to home yesterday?" "Tomorrow was Sunday" :)

Another part of language and culture that i like here is that everyone is either didi (sister), bhaiya (brother), uncle or auntie. When I run down to the little corner store to grab 3 eggs (1 egg = 3 Rs, 1CAD=40Rs), uncle is there in his button up shirt, lungi (like a checkered sarong), and slip on plastic sandals, shyly and humbly selling small items each day.

Recently he has worked up the courage to ask me my country, "Madam, you country name is?" but looks away quickly after asking, seemingly nervous that his English isn't good enough.... "Canada, lekin abhi mera ghar India me, che mahina" (Canada, but now my home is in India, for 6 months), I respond with uncertainty, as my Hindi is much worse than his English!

When the language barriers remain, like with my cleaning woman, we find other ways to converse. Mostly we ramble in our respective languages and then laugh at the other person when they continue to stare blankly back! The maid started this, not me.

So the language is coming, and with this, more comfort in my surroundings. It's so satisfying to switch to simple Hindi with street vendors and see the surprised smile that comes over their face..."Oh madam! you Hindi speaking?!"

"Nahi bhaiya, sirf toda toda" (no brother, only a little)

Fun fun!

hugs

Today I helped a boy decide what day he was born

Very rough estimates say there are between 100,000 - 400,000 street children in Delhi (children and youth under the age of 18 making a living on the streets without parental care). It's something people here have grown up with. At nearly every traffic light there are children begging for money. Some sell flowers or magazines, some drum a beat while their sister or brother does gymnastics on the pavement. It's everywhere. Some children are rented out to beggars for the day, to increase the sympathy and gain more money.
These are children with every capability of you and me, they simply don't have the support or opportunities to take part in society in a self sustaining way.
It's heart wrenching to think about and is at first heart wrenching to see. But the saddest thing of this whole issue is how quickly I've become desensitized to it. I can understand why the problem continues, because everyone is desensitized having seen it their whole lives.

Not quite everyone. There are a select few that devote their lives to these children, and it's these few that i'm getting to know by volunteering with a dedicated NGO.
JAMGHAT: a Group of Street Children, is a small organization that seeks to rehabilitate children on the streets. They approach this issue in 4 ways:

1. A Home for 15 boys where they receive shelter, food, clothing, education or vocational training (they choose their path through conversation and guidance), health care, counseling and a place to be a child in a safe community
2. A Day Shelter where 50 street children visit daily. Here they receive a meal, bathing facilities, counseling, health care, and space to be a child.
3. NightWalks are meant to sensitize the public to the realities of life on the streets.
4. Theatre is the means to create widespread awareness and to generate some funds. The actors are both college student volunteers and the street children, so it also serves to create memories and self confidence while giving a voice to those that have the experiences.

I've been given lots of responsibility while i'm here, which is an honor, feels like i can be useful, and is overwhelming. One task i'm working on with a couple others is to open a home for 10 street girls. Currently girls are only attending the outdoor project, there is no permanent home for them. So hopefully in just a few months, a few girls on the streets will have a place to be!

Most days i'm at the boys home, which is the office. They are so sweet! and so determined to teach me hindi. They range in age from 5-20, each with their own story. Most have run away from unfortunate or abusive homes. Before coming to Jamghat they were beggars on the streets. Several were addicted to drugs, some had limb threatening injuries that were treated immediately, all have emotional wounds and scars to cope with.

But it's not a sad place to be, not at all. The success stories of these boys are incredible. The boys choose to come to the Jamghat home, no one forces them. They decide, at the age of 6 or 15 or 10 to turn their lives around. And they do it. They break drug addictions, they go to school, they get training and jobs, they work through emotional damage with regular counseling, they play together and create trusting connections with each other as brothers, they smile and shine and many offer endless hugs. It feels like a healthy community.

I'm still new to it and only understand a fraction of what's going on, as it's all in hindi generally, but i'm getting into it and feeling happy about by role. The experiences are life changing.

Today I sat with an 18 year old boy named Anwar and helped him make a resume. We had to expand his experiences to make it fill the page - he's had a couple jobs, but no schooling at all. He has no contact info or references other than Amit, the founder of Jamghat. So we added in an objective, some hobbies, and other life experiences ...then we got to date of birth. i looked at him and he looked blankly back.
"When were you born?"
"I don't know"
"Well when do you want to be born?!"
"Ummmm December seems like a good month"
"Check, and on what day?"
"mmmm, maybe the 3rd?"

We now celebrate the birthday of Mohammed Anwar on December 3rd (1990)

love lauren

ps. google jamghat and you'll get lots of hits (from google india anyway)
or try this page jamghat.blogspot.com it hasn't been updated for awhile but you'll get a sense of the organization

One Week In

i am getting partly settled here. it's taken awhile to get my sleeping on track and to get reacquainted with the Indian way. I was super reluctant to go out for the first few days. Wary of buying things, bartering with limited hindi etc.
now that i've been venturing out more, i've re-realized that i never have to go far to find the things i need! for instance, as i write this, there is a man walking down the street with his cart full of vegetables. i can't see him, but i know he's there because as he walks he shouts out what he's got for sale. all day he'll roam the neighbourhood. people know their veggie vendors and relationships are built. that's how i see it anyway.

i've been enjoying the old man who owns the little corner shop down the street. i learned that it's good and fine to call all older men, uncle and women, aunty. i love that about India; everyone is your brother or sister (the street kids i'm volunteering with all call me didi, sister), uncle or aunt. it's lovely. and makes this huge city a little more friendly feeling.

i've just started with an NGO called JAMGHAT. it's super small, which i like, and full of incredible, good hearted people. i've jumped in just as they are getting a play up and running for the next month. so i've met a lot of students who are volunteering as actors (incredible amateur actors, my god!) and i've started meeting some of the street boys, who are just lovely.
the day i arrived, one immediately took me by the hand and led me around introducing me to everyone! they are dedicated to teaching me hindi, so with any luck i'll be able to talk to them properly in a couple months. i hope!
Amit is the founder of JAMGHAT and he is wonderful. in our first meeting he told me of various projects he would love help with, one of them being to open a 24hour home for girls. there is a donor who has requested this and and has the money for rent and food, we just need to make it happen. so he offered that as a job for me. crazy. can you imagine giving that responsibility to someone you'd only known for a few minutes?!
exciting

so i'm just trying to figure all this out. and i think it will be good once i get into it a little more and feel like i have more of a role. i don't do well while floundering and finding purpose.

do keep in touch! post comments, they mean alot to me.

lots of hugs
lauren

Getting ready to go

I'm off on the trail of living to the fullest again. In the way that I know how to do it anyway!
I have a place in Delhi, I have a couple NGOs that are happy to have me volunteer with them, I have people expecting me, i have more places to see ...but more on all that when i get there.
For now I'm saying goodbyes.
For now I'm packing.
For now I'm trying to live in the moment and Be Here.

I've had some questions about life and purpose and 'Right Choices' lately. It seems to me that an exorbitant number of young people in my generation are madly searching for meaning in their lives, myself included. We've got So Many Choices that we don't know where to begin. I begin by meeting people and trusting that my path will come from following my heart. Not an easy maneuver on the best of days!
I had expressed some of my own questions and concerns about this trip to a good friend, Carmen, at my goodbye dinner in Edmonton the other night. The next day she sent me a quote that puts the questioning to rest, or rather, makes the questioning Life Giving. The main purpose of this particular post is simply this quote, so read on, ponder and let me know where it sits for you.

Lots of love from me to you!


"...have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

-- Rainer Maria Rilke

all over the map

well i kind of fell off the blog wagon..so much has happened since I last wrote, i'm not even sure what to include now!
point form catch up: varanasi - Yamuna trip - amritsar -delhi - CANADA!

VARANASI
- ancient, narrow winding that are hard to walk down cuz they're so full of people and still scooters somehow get through
- many sets of stairs down to the Ganges (Ganga) River (called ghats) where people are bathing, praying, making offerings and burning bodies.
- yep burning bodies. at the burning ghats. fires have burned continuously for thousands of years, day and night cremating bodies. if you die in Varanasi you're freed from the cycle of rebirth. so it's a popular place to die.
- visited an amazing university and the hospital, where my travel partner was checked in with malaria...he recovered...but i had to leave him there while i took off for a scheduled group trip starting in Delhi

YAMUNA RIVER TRIP
the group trip was with an enviro organization called Swechha, based in Delhi. They do many amazing things, one being education on pollution of the Yamuna River.
Yamuna is as sacred as Ganga, and equally if not more so polluted once it goes through Delhi. In a short stretch, Delhi pumps out 80% of the total pollution of the whole river. They call it black Yamuna...and it's literally black with bubbles of methane burbling up. Delhi kills the river. There is no dissolved oxygen in it when it leaves...and there are many many millions of people downstream that rely on the river for survival. Unbelievable.
The trip was 12 days long. It started in Yamunotri ( origin of the river in the Himalayas) where the river is pristine and beautiful, and ended in Agra (Taj Mahal) where the river is severely polluted. We travelled in 3 cars (16 of us), stopping to camp beside Yamuna for a week through the mountains, visiting villages and religious sites that are all situated near or on the banks of the river, pairing up with a US circus troup that toured India for 6 months doing an environmental circus show in slums and small villages (DreamTimeCircus), and generally found a connection with the river that is impossible without spending time bathing in her and paying close attention to the relationship between landscape and human use and her ecological changes.
Quite incredible.
It's alot to describe in written form, but do ask questions if you're interested. or even good swechha...they do awesome work in Delhi.

AMRITSAR
This is where the Golden Temple is...the most important Sikh Temple in the World
- Met up with Dylan..to see his blond streaked, lungi wearing, ears pierced, moustache twirled self in fine standing!
- enjoyed the laid back, most welcoming of all people atmosphere of the golden temple
- ate in the langar - an enormous hall with endless quantities of food for anyone under the sun that wants a meal. it's the largest volunteer run service in all of India. Quite something to see! and tasty to eat!
- one night i went to eat and MR. Paul Singh appeared in front of me, as if he was expecting me, and proceeded to show me around the whole temple grounds. He took me to a small Sikh ashram (him barefoot, me in his sandals...he'd have it no other way) for another meal, and there an incredible woman revealed the beauty of Sikhism to me over about an hour. Her passion and devotion was so inspiring....the whole experience answered questions I'd been having and prompted new thoughts about how to act in the world.
Everything happens right when I need it to.

DELHI
I ended up here for a long time because I made a few friends on the Yamuna trip that I wanted to spend time with. One of them being extra special and worthy of me returning to India in September to spend more time with him! Following my heart. And it feels great!
So I'm looking into volunteer options in Delhi and all kinds of opportunities are popping up.
I'm devoted to living an exciting life ans making it into exactly what i hope for it to be! No 'givens' or 'shoulds'. That's where I'm at. To make every day full of learning, loving, and truly living to the fullest.
This decision feels like the best way I can live to the fullest. It feels Right. and that's exciting!

CANADA
I"m home now!
Arrived in Calgary to the warm hugging arms of mom, dad and grandma, on the 19th of April.
SPent time with family in that city..headed up to Edmonton to catch up with friends for a few days, then moved out to Dinosaur Provincial Park (near Brooks Alberta) where i'll be living and working for the next 4 months. It's an awesome job...guiding people through the badlands, pointing out amazing plants and dinosaur fossils!
Since being home I rid myself of: lice, Delhi belly, parasites, and a canadian cold i caught on arrival. Still have to deal with the cavity i created ...i think on indian sugar chai.

Ahhh the joys of travel.


Dylan and I figured out that in 3 days we landed in 5 countries and spent enough time in each to eat a emal and drink the water...so it's no wonder the ol' body was a bit confused once i got home. (from India - Bangkok for 2 days where i played with dear cousin Teyana. Then up to Korea for 8 hour layover where we had time to meet 2 friends teaching english, take public transit, eat kimchi, and get back on the plane. Next to Seattle for a couple hours, and finally Calgary.)

So i'm quite settled back into Canadian routines. It took awhile to want any food other than daal, roti and curd...but i'm regaiing an appetite..mostly for sweets unfortunate for my health!

happy and healthy and hopeful to hear from you when ever you get a chance!

Thanks for following my travels. it meant alot to know you were thinking of me and with me in some way.

Be well and try to have a little dance in the streets now and again, it really livens up the day!

Lauren

Correction

Wow, this place is phenomenal.
Kutchi people are just incredible.
So giving and so warm.
Last night I ended up in village 2 hours from my hotel at 6pm. The sun was about to set and I would be driving alone on a moped through the desert. NOt ideal.
This was all discovered while sitting in the home Sufiya, a Mutwa woman, drinking chai. Her brother (english name is Aladdin) came in and learned of the predicament and started offering options...i was most welcome to stay there of course, or he would ride with me and come back that same night in his brothers car.
I opted for option 2 and we off into the desert. Me driving, Aladdin on the back.
As darkness fell, the wind started and a good ol desert sand storm whipped sand into our faces. Fat rain sporadically splatted down..at which point Aladdin stopped predicting what turns in the road would holdfor wind and weather because this was too unusual. Rain doesn't start until June here.
Needless to say I was sure glad not to be alone.
It was safe enough. Though there was lightening in the far distance, Aladdin was singing Kutchi folk songs into the night, so it eased all worries and made for a mystical, memorable night!

The wedding was also memorable. I was taken under the care of several rabari women for the whole night. WHOLE NIGHT> the wedding didn't start until about 11pm, then continued for many hours into the night. I was taken to a bed at one point...and gratefully took the chance to sleep a few hours.
I learned chapati rolling and had hindi/gujarati/kutchi lessons from a young girl who would tell me the name of my simply drawn picture..tree, flower, foot, house etc.
in the morning i was woken up by Vanka Rabari, the man that invited me, so I could watch the goodbye. After a night of ceremony in the woman's village, it was time for everyone she grew up with to say goodbye before she was taken with the men to her new husband's village where she will start a new life in his mother's home.
seems difficult to me.
and apparently for her too as the goodbye consisted of women singing constantly, I think verbal support for the bride who was hidden under a thiick black shawl the entire night, and the bride wailing in sadness as one by one her village said goodbye. Many women were crying also.
Not the 'happiest night of on'es life' like we hope for at home eh?

The correction I wanted to make from my last entry is about the rabari being nomadic. SOme are, but they are to the east of here...noted by men wearing all white, white turbans too , and women wearing all balck. Thesee rabari are settled in villages. The men wear white clothes but dark turbans (red for weddings). The women have elaborate embroidered tops and more colorful shawls over their black embroidered skirts.

Many memoreis from amazing Kutch. I must come back some day. But for now, onwards to Varanasi!

Avjo,
Lauren

There are No Doors in India

What an open, generous country this is. I realized the other day that there really are no doors in india. all the shops are open to the street closign only at night when a garage door comes down to lock them. If there is a door it's usually propped open (unless they have AC). Many guest houses have doors (of course) but often the windows don't have glass so it's all fresh air, or I sleep with the door open because it's just too hot.
so it feels like there are no doors.
no barriers.
everywhere and everyone open and welcoming.
Now i'm in bhuj, Gujarat, where this generosity has been multplied 3fold. I'm meeting the most hospitable people in all of india i'm sure. the owner of the hotel/restaurant i'm in (annapurna) named Vinod, is overwhelmingly giving. the first day i ate there i asked him some questions about travelling into the desert and meeting some villages etc. he gave me so much info and offered to lend me his moped within 5 minutes of talking. then he gave me a ride to his home where his family gave me tea and biscuits, lent me the moped so i could take myself to the police and get a village permit, came back an he took out the car and took me and his family to a neighbouring village where they sell handicrafts and embroidery. it's livelihood around here and quite a few fair trade projects exist...you MUST get in touch with these groups. the embroidery is exquisite and High Quality.
so that's the hospitality of Vinod. everyone at his hotel has been taking such good care of me, like family. amazing. today he lent me his moped again for the day saying i'm like family, like his child!
last night we were talking about shops and costs etc. and he mentioned how 1000Rs is alot for him (about 30 dollars), i said yes for me too while travelling. i have a tight budget!
immediately he said, if you have money troubles please tell me, i can lend you money and you send it to me from canada whenever you can. no problem.
wow my heart swelled with appreciation for this man.
Vinod starts working in his restaurant at 7-9am and stays until closing at 11pm with one rest in teh day sometime when he goes to eat his wife's cooking and visit a bit.
i said, you must be tired Vinod! you work so hard! to which he replied quite seriously, it is hard work here because times are tough. my daughter requires medication every day costing 3000Rs per month., his wife had thyroid trouble. After the earthquake of 2001 (that flattened many villages around Bhuj and caused immense destruction in the city as well, killing upwards of 25 000 in all of Kutch area), they lost so much and had been recovering , as have many others, since then.
so he tells me this, how 1000rs is alot, how he must spend 3000 every month to keep his disabled daughter functioning, and then offers o lend me money while giving me a moped for the entirety of my stay.
this is generosity like none other i've experienced. such a kind man.

today i will be attending a rabari wedding. rabari are nomadic people that move with their herds of goat and sheep through the Great Rann desert/ salt flats. some have settled into villages now, but it's quite an honor to go to this wedding because where they happen depends on where the peopl are. and often weddings for many happen all one day, the birthday of Lord Krishna. It's becasue of Vinod taking me to that handicraft village that this invitation happened. So my thanks again to him.

EVeryone is helpful, everyone offers their mobile number in case i need some help ever. Many will leave what their doing and walk me to the place i'm asking directions for...no fear of strangers, no barriers, no doors.

This is truly a special place!